Why (do I have to be) me?
Posted by Comman_Anomaly | Posted in | Posted on Monday, November 02, 2009
I am so tired of being myself. It's not that I'm particularly depressed, I'm just so bored with me.
I have never really liked myself, I still really don't. It's such a drag, I feel like such a drag.
And because of that I've been spending as much time as possible in fantasy land, too much time.
I guess I can open up about the specifics of it now. In my younger days I'd often pretend I was me, just in another time, doing something else. Then I erased myself completely, I've never even truly decided if in my fantasy world if I myself exist somewhere else.
My favorite person to pretend to be is a 31 year-old writer who is extraordinarily beautiful, sociable, talented, tall (five-ten, while I'm a mere five-foot) & a well-respected writer.
What's so intriguing to me about it is that her life is not all candy & roses, she too has\had an eating disorder as well as bipolar disorder. But I guess why I always have plenty of the nasty stuff is because in her world she can handle it, and it's not so big that it can actually hurt me.
If I get a little tired of the bad situation I've created I can just go to another on, a previous "storyline" I've done in the past which I've enjoyed. It's all real-life situations, but she is so much better than me. Her hair stays straight & she's traveled all over the world because she can handle it.
I have never really liked myself, I still really don't. It's such a drag, I feel like such a drag.
And because of that I've been spending as much time as possible in fantasy land, too much time.
I guess I can open up about the specifics of it now. In my younger days I'd often pretend I was me, just in another time, doing something else. Then I erased myself completely, I've never even truly decided if in my fantasy world if I myself exist somewhere else.
My favorite person to pretend to be is a 31 year-old writer who is extraordinarily beautiful, sociable, talented, tall (five-ten, while I'm a mere five-foot) & a well-respected writer.
What's so intriguing to me about it is that her life is not all candy & roses, she too has\had an eating disorder as well as bipolar disorder. But I guess why I always have plenty of the nasty stuff is because in her world she can handle it, and it's not so big that it can actually hurt me.
If I get a little tired of the bad situation I've created I can just go to another on, a previous "storyline" I've done in the past which I've enjoyed. It's all real-life situations, but she is so much better than me. Her hair stays straight & she's traveled all over the world because she can handle it.
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