Crushed
Posted by Comman_Anomaly | Posted in | Posted on Friday, November 13, 2009
I have someone that I'm in absolute LOVE with at my my local Walmart.
Eh, I don't even know his name, but I plan to eventually look at his name tag.
It's not like anything could happen though since I'm always there with my parents (just learning how to drive) & of course there's my oh whaddya-callit shyness?
Anyway, I was very sad today because I got to go back there & he wasn't there.
But you know I got butterflies in my stomach (although they don't feel anything like butterflies WTF?) & very nervous when I thought I might actually see him.
I got so nervous that for a little bit I decided I hoped I didn't see him, my mouth got dry & I couldn't concentrate on what I was supposed to be getting.
I wasn't sure I was going to see him it was kind of late, but wow I don't think I've ever felt quite like this before.
My natural reaction to this is to create a character in my world based off of him & I kind of have but damnit it's not the same. I don't get butterflies & dry mouth from pretending, it's so boring compared to the real thing.
I don't have much experience with the real thing but I may want to try it.
It is so frustrating when the fantasies just don't hit the spot, the real thing may be better, terrifying, but better.
On the way to the store I imagined an un-disordered fantasy about myself walking through the store by myself & running into him, smiling & saying "Hi" & him saying hi back.
The concept fills me with adrenaline & giggly excitement.
I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place.
Eh, I don't even know his name, but I plan to eventually look at his name tag.
It's not like anything could happen though since I'm always there with my parents (just learning how to drive) & of course there's my oh whaddya-callit shyness?
Anyway, I was very sad today because I got to go back there & he wasn't there.
But you know I got butterflies in my stomach (although they don't feel anything like butterflies WTF?) & very nervous when I thought I might actually see him.
I got so nervous that for a little bit I decided I hoped I didn't see him, my mouth got dry & I couldn't concentrate on what I was supposed to be getting.
I wasn't sure I was going to see him it was kind of late, but wow I don't think I've ever felt quite like this before.
My natural reaction to this is to create a character in my world based off of him & I kind of have but damnit it's not the same. I don't get butterflies & dry mouth from pretending, it's so boring compared to the real thing.
I don't have much experience with the real thing but I may want to try it.
It is so frustrating when the fantasies just don't hit the spot, the real thing may be better, terrifying, but better.
On the way to the store I imagined an un-disordered fantasy about myself walking through the store by myself & running into him, smiling & saying "Hi" & him saying hi back.
The concept fills me with adrenaline & giggly excitement.
I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place.
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