Full & Whiny
Posted by Comman_Anomaly | Posted in | Posted on Monday, November 30, 2009
Haven't posted much lately, writer's block I guess.
I'm menstrual & felt like I ate too much, that awful feeling of abdominal tightness.
Oh I don't know I've been reading Marya Hornbacher's Madness: A Bipolar Life. Which was sooooo good. Some of her work is triggering, how could it not be, but I sometimes find myself reading over some of the parts about her talking about seeing & feeling her bones.
I don't do proana anymore, so all I have left is just immersing myself in basic info on EDs to just fill that need to obsess about them.
I keep thinking: fifty-two pounds. How in God's name did she SURVIVE? That is sick, I bet she looked like hell, awful, although I'd like to see a picture of what she looked like at her different weights, even if she did in her words have skin the color of rotten meat, I'm just curious, you know.
There is a point you know, for many anorexics & bulimics, a weight that they themselves think is too thin, when they're not at that weight of course. But I can look at people horribly emaciated & think to myself how disgusting they look. But you can't look away, you know when you see something so ugly that you can't help but stare. Morbid fascination.
I've even tried to imagine, going from the picture I've seen of her (Marya Hornbacher), how she looked at fifty-two pounds.
You know I emailed her a little while back & actually got a response for her herself. That certainly was a treat, heh and I think to myself I'm glad that I don't have bipolar. Well it has it advantages, it has a whole sea of information, treatment options, resources & doctors dedicated to treating it alone. They frequently do not work, but at least people know what the fuck it is.
The surface of maladaptive daydreaming (fantasies) has barely been scratched.
Oh why don't I have some cheese with my whine? ;)
I'm menstrual & felt like I ate too much, that awful feeling of abdominal tightness.
Oh I don't know I've been reading Marya Hornbacher's Madness: A Bipolar Life. Which was sooooo good. Some of her work is triggering, how could it not be, but I sometimes find myself reading over some of the parts about her talking about seeing & feeling her bones.
I don't do proana anymore, so all I have left is just immersing myself in basic info on EDs to just fill that need to obsess about them.
I keep thinking: fifty-two pounds. How in God's name did she SURVIVE? That is sick, I bet she looked like hell, awful, although I'd like to see a picture of what she looked like at her different weights, even if she did in her words have skin the color of rotten meat, I'm just curious, you know.
There is a point you know, for many anorexics & bulimics, a weight that they themselves think is too thin, when they're not at that weight of course. But I can look at people horribly emaciated & think to myself how disgusting they look. But you can't look away, you know when you see something so ugly that you can't help but stare. Morbid fascination.
I've even tried to imagine, going from the picture I've seen of her (Marya Hornbacher), how she looked at fifty-two pounds.
You know I emailed her a little while back & actually got a response for her herself. That certainly was a treat, heh and I think to myself I'm glad that I don't have bipolar. Well it has it advantages, it has a whole sea of information, treatment options, resources & doctors dedicated to treating it alone. They frequently do not work, but at least people know what the fuck it is.
The surface of maladaptive daydreaming (fantasies) has barely been scratched.
Oh why don't I have some cheese with my whine? ;)
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