One Word "Ughhhh"
Posted by Comman_Anomaly | Posted in | Posted on Thursday, November 19, 2009
I am so SICK of being depressed. I have almost lost what it feels like to feel happy.
I haven't felt happy in forever. It's not black depression (I have colors by which I categorize depression).
I've mostly been grey, and it won't stop because I can't stop myself from THINKING.
Thinking about everything, questioning everything. I can't feel content in my imaginary world, as myself or even in between when I'm just silently existing. It's all falling SHORT.
I'm digging & digging & I can't take a break. I want to take a BREAK. Just rest for a week without any of these damn revelations about me being schizoid or an introvert or needing to be checked in to a loony bin.
Nothing is hitting the spot, I feel so stuck. What I am supposed to be doing is this, going deep down into myself & finding out these thins with my higher power. I am. And I must keep going but when can I have just a little spark of the contentedness back?
I keep thinking it's over the horizon, maybe tomorrow, maybe tonight, maybe next week.
But no, nothing. No matter how many god damn things I come up with I still feel grey, I'm ready for the spark. The relaxation to return. It's like now that I've turned this on I can't turn it off.
Gahhhhhhh I'm rambling....
Yellow - Euphoric
Orange - Great
Green - Average\Content
Blue - Below Average
Grey - Down
Black - Terror
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3 *Me*
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(Okay so you can't see black on this template, just run your cursor over it)
I haven't felt happy in forever. It's not black depression (I have colors by which I categorize depression).
I've mostly been grey, and it won't stop because I can't stop myself from THINKING.
Thinking about everything, questioning everything. I can't feel content in my imaginary world, as myself or even in between when I'm just silently existing. It's all falling SHORT.
I'm digging & digging & I can't take a break. I want to take a BREAK. Just rest for a week without any of these damn revelations about me being schizoid or an introvert or needing to be checked in to a loony bin.
Nothing is hitting the spot, I feel so stuck. What I am supposed to be doing is this, going deep down into myself & finding out these thins with my higher power. I am. And I must keep going but when can I have just a little spark of the contentedness back?
I keep thinking it's over the horizon, maybe tomorrow, maybe tonight, maybe next week.
But no, nothing. No matter how many god damn things I come up with I still feel grey, I'm ready for the spark. The relaxation to return. It's like now that I've turned this on I can't turn it off.
Gahhhhhhh I'm rambling....
Yellow - Euphoric
Orange - Great
Green - Average\Content
Blue - Below Average
Grey - Down
Black - Terror
1
2
3
4
5
1
2
3
4
5
1
2
3
4
5
1
2
3
4
5
1
2
3 *Me*
4
5
1
2
3
4
5
(Okay so you can't see black on this template, just run your cursor over it)
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