The Unthinkable
Posted by Comman_Anomaly | Posted in | Posted on Monday, November 09, 2009
I half-assed planned a "share" at my ABA meeting lastnight. I spat out & cried whatever I could about being socially isolated (I said that they were my only, ONLY social outing & only friends) & that I'd led a pretty isolated life. It was embarrassing to say it aloud.
But after writing my last post yesterday I was in so much pain by meeting time I sort of planned to say all that. Obviously there was alot I didn't say, but I was feeling so dark, so black inside I felt I had to. You know that feelings, like there's a dark pit in your neck & chest.
And I know all of this (I said that lastnight) is what's supposed to happen. This is what I've been blocking all this time.
After meeting I got hugs & gawwwwd that felt good. And one of the girls there (who must be 21-22?) told me that she's never had a boyfriend & the only time she'd kissed a guy was when she was drunk. Made me feel like I wasn't the odd man out, I mean I can tell she doesn't have as many social issues as I do, but she said she's just real nervous around guys she might like.
I even gave her a hug too, and the black pit in my chest has lulled.
Although I do feel somewhat depressed today, the color is gray not pitch black. Which I will take
But after writing my last post yesterday I was in so much pain by meeting time I sort of planned to say all that. Obviously there was alot I didn't say, but I was feeling so dark, so black inside I felt I had to. You know that feelings, like there's a dark pit in your neck & chest.
And I know all of this (I said that lastnight) is what's supposed to happen. This is what I've been blocking all this time.
After meeting I got hugs & gawwwwd that felt good. And one of the girls there (who must be 21-22?) told me that she's never had a boyfriend & the only time she'd kissed a guy was when she was drunk. Made me feel like I wasn't the odd man out, I mean I can tell she doesn't have as many social issues as I do, but she said she's just real nervous around guys she might like.
I even gave her a hug too, and the black pit in my chest has lulled.
Although I do feel somewhat depressed today, the color is gray not pitch black. Which I will take
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