I may be WHAT!?
Posted by Comman_Anomaly | Posted in | Posted on Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I saw my therapist yesterday (one of the people I actually feel comfortable with) suggested that I may be (!) bipolar. If anyone else other than her had said it, I wouldn't have stopped to think, but come to think of it..... maybe?
But I've never been manic, (happy all of a sudden for no reason? yeah), I think I would know if I were bipolar (not necessarily), my depressions are not certainly as serious as my mom's (true, maybe not yet, but it progresses as you age). She says that since I have given several antidepressants a chance for more than a year now & they have been only marginally effective (best ever was Celexa, best for my insomnia, but eventually wore off a bit), she says we don't know that I'm not bipolar, so that maybe a mood stabiliser would do the trick.
And with bipolar II, the major feature is the depression & not the hypomanias (yes I am well educated on bipolar, of course), I have always had the tendency to be depressed for no reason, ever since I was maybe nine. Just the way it is, I wake up & feel like crap.
And then, there's that 24-hour mood cycle, I become alive at nine to ten at night & want to write, get online, talk to people, joke, watch TV, listen to music & I often pace.
I hate it because it's a cause of my insomnia, every night I always tell myself that tonight will be different, I'll avoid all stimulation (internet, TV, music etc.) & just read.
But I just can't, like my body is telling me (no, you need to be awake). And I always get tired, slow & sad during the afternoons unless I have something to do.
My depression periods usually lasted two to three days for a while, now they're going on for a week or more. And still, no matter what, I get wired at nine at night, to where I am still depressed inside, but alive with thoughts & activity.
I don't know, I...... think I am, I think...... but no, it couldn't be could it?
But I've never been manic, (happy all of a sudden for no reason? yeah), I think I would know if I were bipolar (not necessarily), my depressions are not certainly as serious as my mom's (true, maybe not yet, but it progresses as you age). She says that since I have given several antidepressants a chance for more than a year now & they have been only marginally effective (best ever was Celexa, best for my insomnia, but eventually wore off a bit), she says we don't know that I'm not bipolar, so that maybe a mood stabiliser would do the trick.
And with bipolar II, the major feature is the depression & not the hypomanias (yes I am well educated on bipolar, of course), I have always had the tendency to be depressed for no reason, ever since I was maybe nine. Just the way it is, I wake up & feel like crap.
And then, there's that 24-hour mood cycle, I become alive at nine to ten at night & want to write, get online, talk to people, joke, watch TV, listen to music & I often pace.
I hate it because it's a cause of my insomnia, every night I always tell myself that tonight will be different, I'll avoid all stimulation (internet, TV, music etc.) & just read.
But I just can't, like my body is telling me (no, you need to be awake). And I always get tired, slow & sad during the afternoons unless I have something to do.
My depression periods usually lasted two to three days for a while, now they're going on for a week or more. And still, no matter what, I get wired at nine at night, to where I am still depressed inside, but alive with thoughts & activity.
I don't know, I...... think I am, I think...... but no, it couldn't be could it?
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