Let it be true
Posted by Comman_Anomaly | Posted in | Posted on Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Good news, I was prescribed Lamictal today. It must be introduced veeeerrrrry sloooooowwwwly because of a risk of a potentially dangerous rash (itching in my brain is the most worrysome problem as of now)
I took my first 25mg tab tonight, and I balled my eyes out! Could this really be it?
Please god let it be true, let this be the beginning of the end of this godamned mess.
I feel so hopeful, a real possibility of having a stable life, whatever (else) has been wrong with my mind may be about to really change.
Yes I'd like the magnificent ups again......(hehe, I remember my first big uppity spell a few weeks ago thinking "wow, is this mania? this is fucking GREAT! wow, this is why bipolars don't like to take their meds sometimes) but you know they last a fraction as long as the damn downs do so F it. If I had never had that happen at such a convenient time then I still would be wondering if I were bipolar or not. And maybe not starting on the Lamb (that's what I'm going to call Lamictal). I was ready to retire there for awhile, ready to throw in the towel & revert to living a hermit life & die of anorexia. Hindsight is 20\20 & didn't see it then, but that depression spell was bad. I knew it was bad when I kept thinking of what it would feel like to die & all that, but you can't see the outside of a house while you're in it. And that house was dilapidated & crumbling.
I was in the waiting room for the appointment & thought I'd do a little prayer to my HP, I did. I believe god did a little somethin' somethin' because I ended up having to see a nurse practitioner rather than usual psychiatrist. Oh good lord was she ever better, treated me with respect, I felt validated & didn't feel like a damn hypochondriac who's decided they're bipolar.
Let it be true.
I took my first 25mg tab tonight, and I balled my eyes out! Could this really be it?
Please god let it be true, let this be the beginning of the end of this godamned mess.
I feel so hopeful, a real possibility of having a stable life, whatever (else) has been wrong with my mind may be about to really change.
Yes I'd like the magnificent ups again......(hehe, I remember my first big uppity spell a few weeks ago thinking "wow, is this mania? this is fucking GREAT! wow, this is why bipolars don't like to take their meds sometimes) but you know they last a fraction as long as the damn downs do so F it. If I had never had that happen at such a convenient time then I still would be wondering if I were bipolar or not. And maybe not starting on the Lamb (that's what I'm going to call Lamictal). I was ready to retire there for awhile, ready to throw in the towel & revert to living a hermit life & die of anorexia. Hindsight is 20\20 & didn't see it then, but that depression spell was bad. I knew it was bad when I kept thinking of what it would feel like to die & all that, but you can't see the outside of a house while you're in it. And that house was dilapidated & crumbling.
I was in the waiting room for the appointment & thought I'd do a little prayer to my HP, I did. I believe god did a little somethin' somethin' because I ended up having to see a nurse practitioner rather than usual psychiatrist. Oh good lord was she ever better, treated me with respect, I felt validated & didn't feel like a damn hypochondriac who's decided they're bipolar.
Let it be true.
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