In the confines of my room & my mind I wished that someone would kill me, take all of this overwhelming pain away. I could see no way for me ever to ever get past this stage of my life, seventeen is the furthest progression that I will ever reach. My life could be free of anorexia, bulimia, self-injury & maybe I could have some social contacts but past that I can't see much. To do that I'd have to come out of the closet, I could lose my World, I have no identity without it. I just refuse, I can only see doing the bare minimum to at least get out on my own. Writers often stay behind the scenes,
only being heard & represented through what they write. That's my idea of a perfect career. Don't worry, I'm not about to hurt myself, the thoughts were fleeting. Am I quite sure I am bipolar as well so that kind of thing comes & goes along with myself. Emotional pain can trigger a neurological episode & vice-
versa, it sure did last year. <3
I'm pretty satisfied with my current World happenings, I have two going.
The current one (happening in real time) is where my main person (
Laynie)
is in being treated for bipolar in a state hospital\psychiatric unit outpatient program
except she is going to stay over a few nights.
Kinda cool that I can pretend I'm being treated for my craziness & telling my doctors everything
instead of being too shy like I am now.
The second one is happening in the future (like August, September this year) that I'm not quite sure I'm going to do in real time when late Summer\Early Fall begins (but it's fun to play with) is where this same main person is living in New York (she's in LA right now I've decided she hates it, people there made of
ticky-tacky) working as a writer for Saturday Night Live. Wouldn't that be fun?
Funny, one of my first really big Worlds I was a
castmember on
SNL (in 2004 when I was 11 I was doing that one).
You don't want to know what I\she did with three of the
castmates. <:0
Hey wow I'm laughing about this! Good or bad?
